yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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