Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
