Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
