Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
