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Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
