dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
