I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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