If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
