I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
