I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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