anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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