do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
