Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have post one night stand depression
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
