You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
