I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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