i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
