I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
