well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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