Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
