so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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