Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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