if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no you cant smoke seaweed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
