You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
