you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
