I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i permit you to call me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
