The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
