It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
