If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
