my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
