You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
