im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
