I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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