when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
