My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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