hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
