So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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