I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
