Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
