Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
