the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
