it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
