Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
