Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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