If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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