we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
