I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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