Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
