who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
