Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
