You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
