Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
